Though a poll of Current newsroom weirdos indicated otherwise, I believe that I, as a twenty year-old male, can speak for all middle-aged slightly WASP-y women when I say: John Edwards really is, on a fundamentally visual level, pretty. He looks like someone you could bring home to your vaguely peace-loving mother and fiercely pro-mandatory-military-service father without batting an eye.
He'd probably bat his, though.
There's nothing wrong with the honest-to-god truth. And when the truth is that you've tied the success of your campaign to boyishness, keeping your foppish 'do in place becomes a matter of national importance. $400 for a haircut is a small price to pay for liberty. And two minutes of adjusting, primping, and getting that part just right isn't just the right thing for you-- it's the right thing for America.
Patriots, Paul Mitchell: Unite!