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One Word Government

In this increasingly less unipolar world, the final days of our Information Revolution near with an urgency our forebears could never have predicted. The pending synchronicity of information is not to be feared. It is destiny. Like American oil struck beneath Saudi Arabian sands. Or slave labor wrapped in Colombian banana leaves. Or space — our final military frontier.

And so the Titans line up. General Electric powers the media blender; Disney disinters the stained mints of pop oblivion, and Liberty Media rises to challenge the un-American skeptics. In a blizzard of confetti and television static (there will, of course, be the shortest of viewing interruptions as uncooperative station managers are rounded up), we can march into the imperative über-merger, quickly followed by appointment of a Media Czar.

Anyone familiar with the antics of Al Jazeera knows it must happen — and quickly. Images of dead children and mourning mothers do not win American wars. And the news value of airing interviews of Osama before the CIA has cleared the footage? Outrageous.

There are still subversives among us. Specifically, websites like Reclaimthemedia.org and Common Cause are agitating to resist the wave of ownership consolidation that our faithful agent Kevin Martin, chair of the Federal Communications Commission, hopes to bring about at a closed-door vote on December 18. We know these traitors must be dispatched for the good of the Homeland.

Also out to spoil our message of domination from reaching the loyalist public are those cursed digital billboard opponents, those who complain that rotating slogans like "Dirty, Sexy, Money" somehow injure their sanity. Of course, TxDOT has set their meeting for the morning. We give ungrateful Americans exactly 16 hours notice. Nine in the morning, it will be done.

In Austin, it starts; You have been warned.

[READ: A great party. A good time.]

View the coming billboard bacchanal here and here and then write Scenic Texas and tell'em to butt out.

And just soes you know what to look for (and warn your children, parents, classmates, etc.) memorize the soothing sound of TxDOT's offering…

    The proposal by the Texas Department of Transportation would not allow moving images on billboards or flashing lights. The signs would display a static, electronic message.
    "We think it is responsible public policy to facilitate public discussion and consideration of new technology that impacts an industry we regulate," said John Campbell, TxDOT right of way director. "We want to hear from the public on this issue."
    To reduce distractions to motorists, several restrictions are proposed, including:

    * Each sign must only be visible from only one direction of travel.
    * Each message must be displayed for at least eight seconds.
    * Changing of messages must be accomplished within two seconds and simultaneously on the entire sign face.
    * Intensity of the display must be automatically adjustable to prevent glare and distraction.

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Remember to report any and all suspicious propaganda to FCC chairman Martin and give him loads of attaboy's. After all, in this decisive hour, America needs but one voice.

Posted by Greg Harman on 11/27/2007
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