If you're anything like me, you're a trifle worried about Madonna's love life.
Also, it's possible that you mull her lovelife over in an effort to avoid fretting about your own.
LET'S MOVE ON.
And, you know, much as I've noticed (admiringly, mind you) la Ciccone's...shall we say, pronounced-tendoniness of recent years, I still felt it was tacky of her soon-to-be-ex...you know, what's-his-butt, with the limey caper films and the...um...whatever, to compare their marital relations (ew) to: “cuddling up to a piece of gristle."
To be fair, Madonna retorted with “there are lots of things about England that I love, but my husband isn’t one of them.”
It's so classy how they're protecting the kids, y'all!
Anywhoo, I was at a smallish party Saturday night, and among the topics of convo were:
* 9/11-era on-board-plane blowjobs
* the feasability/desirability of doing an entire issue of a certain alt weekly entirely on-location from Dubai (!) and
* who Madge should date next.
I have the perfect candidate, I think.
SHARON MOTHERFUCKING STONE, THAT'S WHO.
Think on it, San Anto!
(And by San Anto, I mean "those who are still reading this blog post," by whom I mean, me, my sister, a coupla show folk, our intern Ryan, *possibly* one other Current staffer and, claro, MADONNA.)
Some bullet points:
* they're roughly the same age
* both are blond by CHOICE
* they both enjoy adopting people, working out, and kissing ladies while being photographed
* they could act as, like, mentors to LiLo and Sam Ronson
* Madonna is apparently getting into directing films, and honey, SharSto could use the work
* other stuff, as needed.
Now, when I brought this up on Saturday, I casually let slip as to how SharSto's creepy, Komodo Dragon-bit newspaper-editor ex is suing her for custody, because she's trying to get one of their sons to get some kind of anti-sweat Foot Botox. I was gently rebuked by somebody who may or may not be a (non-creepy, non-Komodo dragon-bit) newspaper editor, who opined (like they do) that the ex SHOULD get custody, because subjecting a child to "botox, foot or otherwise" is plain crazy.
I mean, surely they'd put him to sleep, first.
At any rate: MADONNA plus SHARON STONE= tru luv 4eva.
Who's with me?