Give Me My Nudie Magazine! a Blog Post by Ryan Johnston.

    So I went to Wal-Mart to buy the latest issue of Vanity Fair, which has Kate Winslet gracing the cover in nothing but a white coat and stilettos. Not only is she the best actress to come out of the past twenty years…she is an amazing classic beauty.
    And yes, I am extremely excited for Kate’s reunion with Leo DiCaprio in the flick Revolutionary Road (and no, I don’t care how gay that makes me). She’s fucking amazing!
    To my dismay, I soon found out that our friends at Wal-Mart disapprove of nudity, and thus aren’t selling the current Vanity Fair. ..even though Winslet’s nude persona on the cover isn’t nearly as sexual as last month’s Amy Adams flashback to the ’50s pin-up girl. Which led me to Borders to find this particular ‘zine, one that this generation truly should be reading…you know, instead of scanning “how to arouse your boyfriend’s  five erogenous zones.” (Not that this particular topic isn’t something I read about, because I most certainly do.)
    So, Wal-Mart, I just have to ask, who the fuck is a better role model for the ‘tween generation…Kate or Cosmo’s cover girl Jessica Simpson, who is currently shelved at your store? Seriously, you prefer to celebrate one who thinks tuna is chicken, that buffalos have wings, and submits that perfume can be edible and diminish those cravings during those long hours of servitude?
    Is Jessica Simpson really preferable to a five-time Academy Award nominated actress who believes in speaking your mind and talks openly about her problems with weight and the media?
    Fuck! I wish that answer were obvious (it is to me), but apparently the Walton family was a bigger fan of The Newlyweds on MTV than Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
    Maybe the Waltons should stick to retail sales and leave freedom of speech to the media. You know, last time I checked, it wasn’t Wal-Mart’s responsibility to censor music and mags-- it’s the parents who should be monitoring their children. No one asked you to help, you small-business-killing conglomerate!

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