Oscar Night (sort of) Live Blog

7: 17 PM Jeremy: a/s/l check
7:18 PM Greg: age sex location? Heee
7:19 PM Jeremy: I was trying to see if Lynn is actually here
7:20 PM Lynn: I am here! I have a bunch of people at my house
eating pigs and blankets and standing on my red carpet, only it's a table cloth.
Jeremy: You totally just blew my mind
Lynn: Well then get ready for this: I am having my own Oscar poll, and the winner gets a package of mustaches.
Greg: Slam dunk Lebron James! [Note: Greg is watching a basketball game instead.]
Penelope Cruz is coming old school
7:22 PM Jeremy: "I don't know how much I like her” is the consensus among the ladies in the room.
7:31 PM Greg: Wolverine!
7:32 PM Lynn: I am going to pass my computer to the other people at my apartment. I am going to take credit for all their jokes though
7:34 PM Jeremy: I will never pretend to be wolverine again
Greg: Who knew he was so diverse?
7:35 PM Lynn: Hi. This is Shari. I want Jerry Lewis to kick Hugh in the nuts.
Greg: Brad Pitt still always makes me think of his stoner character w/ the honeybear bong in True Romance. His 2nd greatest roleor performance, i should say
7:37 PM Lynn: hi im mary
farts!
onn stage
oh god, i took the computer back
hugh jackman is putting on knee pads
there are some jokes there for sure
7:38 PM Jeremy: that's the funniest thing i've seen all night
7:39 PM Greg: Mickey Rourke is wasted
Lynn: Dan: Streep's daughter looks awkward. Maybe it's Mickey Rourke's white suit.
7:40 PM Mark: Where are Brad Pitt's 26 adopted children?
Greg: is Angelina wearing emeralds? i like
7:41 PM Lynn: Kim: Hugh Jackman is not that funny. He's also NOT GAY AT ALL.
7:42 PM Greg: well i should hope not, he is Wolverine after all
7:47 PM Lynn: marisa brought a hooker to oscarS?
Greg: allright, one for one
Lynn: my mom guessed that one
7:48 PM Jeremy: Wait. Is comparing Doubt to Sister Act 2 supposed to be a compliment?
Lynn: MARY SAID THOSE LAST TWO THINGS! I don't know who Marisa is with so I have no idea what her job is
Greg: didn't see that Grease interlude coming
8:55 PM Jeremy: Look. They're singing crappy oscar stuff like you guys will have to
Greg:aren't i still tied for first?
Jeremy: For the moment
8:56 PM Greg: the Watchmen will be mine!
What's going on, Oscar-wise, J?
9:02 PM Jeremy: Penelope Cruz for Best Supporting Actress, but more importantly the Scwartz and Gilbert are ahead.
9:03 PM Elaine: I trust Gilbert to make appropriately ironic Oscar-song assignments
9:04 PM Jeremy: I trust Gilbert to use that Harvard degree to calculate the odds and screw us all
Elaine: He is a math savant
Elaine: God, they're giving it to Downey ... with an intro from Cuba -- I might have to shut it down for the night. Who's doing the faux bitch about Penn taking work away from the gays?
Jeremy: If he wanted to curse RDJ, Cuba should've wished Snow Dogs 2 on him.
Elaine: they didn't fly Ledger's family over from the penal colony to take home memories...
9:08 PM Jeremy: Could they make the people up for Best Actor feel any worse for competing against Heath Ledger?
Elaine: I think Sean Penn is crying.
Greg: He's a sensitive guy
Elaine: Supporting role, my friend. Best Actor is so gender-specific
Jeremy: Greg S is in the lead
Greg: woot!
Elaine: shit
Greg: Maybe that film degree is finally coming through
9:10 PM Elaine: Brad Pitt also working up some tears. The new Alan Alda generation
9:11 PM Greg: Brad Pitt should have won for 12 Monkeys
Elaine: what. ever.
Greg: he was nominated!
Jeremy: If he hadn't won, they would've shown his daughter crying
Elaine: Jeremy, is that two categories down? I'm going to work for a bit and then check back in.
9:12 PM Jeremy: four categories
9:13 PM please
Jeremy: Bill Maher hits below the belt.
9:16 PM Elaine: We should have had the tie-breaker be most unintelligible acceptance speech
Jeremy: No kidding
9:17 PM Elaine: Poor Herzog.
9:26 PM Greg: this should have been a category in the contest
9:27 PM Jeremy: As of right now
Elaine: what the hell is the category? I saw Daniel Craig, crash, boom, Will Smith nervous in front of the camera, and then a token for Benjamin Button?
9:28 PM Jeremy: 10 points - Greg S and Gilbert
7 points - Lynn and Brian
5 points - Jeremy
3 points Chuck
2 points - Sarah
1 point - Elaine and Greg H
9:30 PM Elaine: Which categories are left?
9:31 PM Jeremy: Best Picture, Actress, Actor, Foreign Film
9:33 PM Do you think they just draw the sound mixing award nominees from a hat?
Elaine: Rikki Kushner will kick your ass for that
9:34 PM Jeremy: I don't doubt that for a second.
9:36 PM Elaine: they used to make them say, "And the Oscar for TK goes to" so that if you drifted off during the daft intro and the nonsensical clips you'd know where you were when you tuned back in.
9:38 PM Jeremy: There's a tribute to Jerry Lewis, and he's not dead? What is this, France?
9:55 PM Jeremy: Most of the Academy voted a straight Slumdog ballot
Elaine: Is there a straight-ticket vote? Jesus, it's the Easter Bunny scandal all over again. Sorry if that's a spoiler for anyone, btw.
9:59 PM Jeremy: "If the score is the narrative, a song is its punctuation." And its metaphor is a simile.
10:00 PM Elaine: What the fuck is going on on that stage?
Greg: Just jumped the shark 4 sure
10:01 PM Elaine: But did it make Elton John cry?
Jeremy: I think High School musical was just outsourced to Bollywood.
Elaine: I can't wait till Woodlawn Theater rips that version off. I mean, makes a metaphor of that gorgeous multi-culti simile
10:06 PM Jeremy: Clear out all the Slumdog slots next year for the Brothers and Sisters two hour movie event.
10:08 PM Elaine: I had no idea the Most Unintelligible Acceptance Speech category would be so competitive
10:09 PM Greg: hehe
10:11 PM Elaine: the commercials are especially preachy and saccharine this year. I blame Heath Ledger.
10:14 PM Jeremy: Wow. Who knew the foreign language category was so competitive? There weren't even any odds on the winner. Sorry about that.
10:15 PM Someone make a joke during the people who died montage, I dare you.
Greg: Paul Newman, Shaker Hts represent! Why doesn't Central Markup stock his pretzels dang it? Am I batting 1000?
Jeremy: Not quite. And you're still tied with Gilbert
Elaine: At least I'm ahead in the tie-breaker category ...
10:26 PM Jeremy: Aren't we all just girls from the trailer park who had a dream?
10:27 PM Elaine: Miss Drag America
10:28 PM Except, Anne. She looks gorgeous.
Jeremy: I like the individual pep talks from the older actresses.
10:29 PM Elaine: Again, I blame Ledger.
10:31 PM Jeremy: Of course they couldn't find someone to impress Meryl Streep
Elaine: Maybe next year we'll just acknowledge that they're all winners and everyone will get a statue
Greg: she is stylin w/ those emeralds
10:32 PM Elaine: she's her own emerald city
Greg: dang it, i gambled and lost, gilbert's up 1 pt now?
Elaine: nope. y'all are still tied.
Jeremy: From the room: It looks like she swiped them from a Pretty Pretty Princess set
10:33 PM Elaine: I wish they'd play an Extras clip now. Ricky Gervais is a genius.
Jeremy: Brian and Lynn are now tied at first with 13
10:34 PM Lynn has joined
Elaine: How many points was Kate worth?
Hi, Lynn.
Jeremy: 5
10:35 PM Elaine: Nice of you to drop in now that you're tied for the lead. I'm an alto, by the way.
Jeremy: Hathaway was my dark horse. I am screwed BTW
10:36 PM Elaine: I've got my ukulele backup booked, so I'm sleeping soundly if my dark horse doesn't come thru.
10:39 PM Greg: Deniro looks like he was just hanging out w/ Spiccoli's buds
10:40 PM Elaine: Penn's getting it. How many points is that J?
10:41 PM That was one lame speech Brody gave for Jenkins.
10:44 PM Rourke's still in character. This means Slumdog's getting film.
10:45 PM Jeremy: The Schwartz with 31 followed by Sara with 22
E called it, I believe
10:46 PM Elaine: I'm going to bed. What's left? Just Picture?
Jeremy: Yep
10:47 PM Elaine: Did Penn outtalk Boyle? Altho, when he gets Picture he'll really have a lot of people to thank.
10:48 PM Greg: what was Penn worth?
Elaine: 20, I think.
Greg: Wasn't he the favorite?
Elaine: Nope. Rourke.
Greg: aha
10:49 PM Elaine: If you picked him b/c you thought he was the favorite, and not for the odds, I think we'll have to disqualify that win. Jeremy?
Jeremy: True
Greg: Haha, no. I just didn't remember who was the favorite, it was clear that Penn would win though. Did i just clinch this thing?
10:52 PM Jeremy: Not if Benjamin Button wins best picture.
Greg: It’s totally between Slumdog and Milk. Woo!
Jeremy: You win. I hope you choke on your smugness
10:54 PM Greg: teehee... i will consider bribes for song selections.
Jeremy: More like Smug Dog Millionaire
Greg: Dang it, i knew we shoulda had bigger prizes
Jeremy: Well shit. Hope you like karaoke.