When Hollywood runs out of ideas..there's always the '80s

I just about choked on my popcorn when I saw the latest trailer for yet another Reagan-Era remake destined to manifest itself in 2010. What is this obsession with ‘80s movies? Several movies from the time of spandex and Rubik’s cubes are either already in post-production or set to film as we speak. So let’s take a quick trip and see what kind of excitement or disappointment the latest batch of remakes stands to give us next year…

The Karate Kid

The Karate Kid gets a reboot next year with none other than Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith. The biggest change is that it will be set in China instead of southern California. Will “jacket on, jacket off” be as amusing as“wax on wax off” or will the scheduled June 11, 2010 release mean a truly “Cruel Summer”?

Nightmare on Elm Street

Were you scared shitless to use the toilet for fear that a set of finger knives might slice your dearest of body parts? I sure was when I first saw Nightmare on Elm Street. But over the years Freddy Krueger became less frightening and more of a joke to horror lovers. Scheduled for an April 2010 release,the franchise moves into the hands of Michael Bay with the big disappointment we always feared…Robert Englund is Freddy no more. But San Antonio’s Jackie Earle Hayley, will get a chance to fill the glove and promises a more sinister and scary villain reminiscent of the first film.

Footloose

Teeny boppers everywhere were beside themselves when it was announced that Zac Efron would be filling Kevin Bacon’s shoes as Ren McCormack. Then in March of this year Zac pulled out reportedly to avoid getting typecast in cheesy musicals. This could be true considering the fact that Efron’s former High School Musical director, Kenny Ortega, was slated to direct the film. Ortega also bowed out in October after coming off of MJ’s This is It, because his idea for an elaborate musical to the tune of $30 million didn’t jibe with Paramount chief Adam Goodwin’s vision for a more toned-down and lower-budgeted project. The film remains directorless but Lubbockite Chace Crawford has been recruited to replace Efron in the lead role. Despite Efron and Ortega ditching the project, Paramount still lists a release date of June 18, 2010.

Red Dawn

The Wolverines return to the big screen in September 2010 with an all-new cast including Tom Cruises’s son Conner in the role of Darryl Jenkins [the Wolverine who swallowed a tracking device after capture]. Rather than Russians and Cubans stirring up our Cold-war era nerves by dropping paratroopers in the Colorado Mountains,the Chinese will now invade Michigan and heighten our nuke fears.

Clash of the Titans

It pissed me off when they chose Marky Mark [Wahlberg] of all people to replace Charleton Heston in the Planet of the Apes remake, and Sean Bean was less than thrilling in Rutger Hauer’s role in The Hitcher remake. This time however, I think Hollywood has made a good choice in casting Liam Neeson to replace Lawrence Olivier as Zeus in the new Clash of the Titans. Neeson also reunites with his Schindler’s List co- star Ralph Fiennes, who plays Hades. This film looks to have all of the excitement and eye candy of Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings. Let’s face it though…the original Titans didn’t have a whole lot of plot substance, so I’m not expecting much in the way of story for this one.

RoboCop

Although still in talks I thought it was worth mentioning that MGM keeps dropping hints at a brand new RoboCop…get this…in 3D. While no casting information has surfaced, a teaser poster has circulated and MGM spokesmen have confirmed that “the project is still on track” with Darren Aaronofsky slated to direct. Despite the teaser poster’s “Coming 2010” statement, release has reportedly been pushed back to 2011. I smell CGI robbing us of Peter Weller’s corny acting…but I’d still buy that for a dollar!

-Manny Moreno

Posted by mmoreno on 12/29/2009 3:14:13 PM
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